Chinese Doctor

There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion.

She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex doctor, named Dr. Chang.

She asked Dr. Chang, “Doctor, please help me find out what’s wrong with me!”

So Dr. Chang said, “Take off all yu cwothes.” So she did. Then he said, “Now, get on yu hands and knees and crawl weal fas away frum me, den craw weal fas back to me.” So the young lady did.

Dr. Chang looked at her said, “I know what wong with yu… Yu got weal bad case of Zachary disease!”

The lady asked, “What the heck is that?!”

Dr. Chang replied, “Dat’s wen yu face lok zachary like yur butt”!

BlondeOn a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket.

“The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the copilot to speak with the woman.  The copilot went to talk with the woman, asking her to move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”

The copilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.

The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.”

He went to the first class section and whispered into the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section, mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so?”

Surprised, the flight attendant and the copilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

He said, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”

BlondeA Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof.  Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, “Jump! Jump!  It’s your only chance to survive!”  The Brunette jumps and SWISH!  The firemen yank the blanket away.  The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

“C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!” say the firemen to the Redhead.  “Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the Redhead.  “No! It’s Brunettes we can’t stand!  We’re OK with Redheads!”

“OK,” says the Redhead, and she jumps.  SWISH!  The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof.  Again, the firemen yell, “Jump! You have to jump!”

“No way!  You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled the Blonde.

“No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!”

After some hard thinking… “Look,” the Blonde says, “Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away!  So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it…”

BlondeIn Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.  Out pops a coke.  The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and says matter-of-factly: “Duh, Can’t you see I’m winning?”

BlondeA blonde woman is driving down the road.  She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.  While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car.  So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock.  Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.

Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right!…”

BlondeThere were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, “I’ll get off.”

After a really touching speech from the brunette about how she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

BlondeOnce upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.  A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?”

The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, “Sure!”

The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, “352.”

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, “You’re right! O.K., I’ll keep to my end of the deal.  Take your pick of my flock.”

The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.  When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, “O.K., now I have a proposition for you.  If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?”